I'm going to jail i love you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can I color on your dick again?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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