Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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