One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
