and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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