You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
