How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
