Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
