I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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