Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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