so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
