dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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