just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Houston, we have a blender
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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