I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
