Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We need a shit load of segways right now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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