We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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