I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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