She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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