I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
