I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
