the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
