I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
