he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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