Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
