i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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