Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
