My cat gives me a boner
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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