careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
