We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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