He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
