Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
