i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im drinking this country out of the recession.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
