I could have mohawked her pubes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
