I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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