So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
