How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
