the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
