VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
