You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
