I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize