Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
