i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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