He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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