she takes plan B like it's going out of style
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
