i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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