i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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