You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
