In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
