When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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