He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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