Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
