All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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