the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
