Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
