im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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