Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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