your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
