Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
