My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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