were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
