but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i out mim tonsoeep
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