i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
