im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
