Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
