fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
