one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
