ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
