I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
