At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
