I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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