i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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