i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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