My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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